Let me begin with a story from my book. A shepherd was herding his sheep when a pregnant lioness suddenly jumped into the middle of the flock. The force of the jump caused the birth of her cub, and the lioness died on the spot. The cub grew up with the sheep. It ate grass and shrubs. It copied the sheep in everything it did.
After some months, a lion saw the cub among the lambs. While the shepherd napped in the afternoon, the lion took the cub to the river. "Don't bleat like the sheep," he said. "You have in you the power to roar." Then he asked the cub to look at its reflection in the water. "Understand that you are like me." The cub's eyes opened, and it made its first triumphant roar.
You may be bleating in the wrong flock
I meet many young people in my training programmes. Most of them do not lack ability. They lack belief. They compare themselves with others and see themselves in a poor light. Like the cub, they have copied the people around them for so long that they have forgotten what they are made of.
Self-esteem is the awareness of your own worth. It is faith in your skills and in your ability to deal with whatever life puts in front of you. If you were not born with it, you have to build it. Nobody can hand it over to you in a packet.
Zareena had no time for anything
Let me tell you about a girl called Zareena. Whenever her mother asked her to help in the garden or the kitchen, she said she had no time. Her father invited her to theatre classes and trekking. Again, no time. She was always doing homework.
But all that homework took her nowhere. She was a below-average student and forever disappointed in herself. Her parents were only trying to lift her spirits. Zareena stayed fixed on what she could not do.
Then her teacher gave the class a project. Make something beautiful out of things that are on their way to the dustbin. Zareena used pieces of an old rug, some medicine bottles and plastic spoons. What she made was so good that people praised it.
That praise changed her. She started finding time to help her mother in the garden. She went with her father to theatre classes. She had time for many things, because she no longer believed she was good at nothing. And a surprising thing happened. She became less stressed about her lessons, and her marks improved too.
Notice what happened here. Nobody gave Zareena more hours in the day. She found one place where she was good, and that gave her the courage to try everywhere else.
How low self-esteem shows up
If you are not sure whether this is your problem, look for these signs. They are all in the book, and you will recognise them in people around you, perhaps in yourself.
- You blame outside causes for every failure, and expect bad things to happen to you.
- You are over-sensitive to criticism and always on the defensive.
- You are indecisive, because you do not trust your own decisions.
- You set small goals, because you underestimate yourself.
- You feel jealous of others, because you are worried someone is better than you.
None of this is a life sentence. Every one of these habits can be changed, one at a time.
Do this today
In the book I give a short test. Take a sheet of paper and answer Yes or No to each line.
- I am comfortable with my knowledge level.
- I feel great in a group.
- I can converse confidently with people.
- Adverse criticism by others does not upset me.
- I have the ability to laugh at myself.
- When I look at myself in the mirror I appear well-dressed.
- I am making proper use of all my skills and talents.
If you answered Yes to all seven, your self-esteem is fairly good. Now look at your No answers. For each one, write one small thing you will do this week to turn it into a Yes. Not ten things. One.
Then ask yourself where you feel most comfortable. In the office? At home? With friends? While singing, writing or travelling? Spend more time there, because that is where your roar is loudest. And pick one other area where you feel less at ease, and take one small step into it, the way Zareena stepped into that dustbin project.
One more thing. Do not compare yourself with the person next to you. The lion cub did not become a lion by studying the lambs more carefully. It became a lion when it saw its own reflection.
This is one chapter from my book Simply the Best.
