This is one of my favourite stories. A famous research scientist who had made several important medical breakthroughs was interviewed by a newspaper reporter. The reporter asked what set him apart from the average person. Why had he achieved so much more?
He said it all began with a lesson his mother taught him when he was two years old. He was trying to take a bottle of milk out of the refrigerator, lost his grip, and spilled the whole thing on the kitchen floor.
His mother did not scold him. She said, "What a wonderful mess you've made! I've rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage is already done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk before we clean it up?"
He did play. After a few minutes, she said, "Whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up. So how would you like to do that? We could use a towel, a sponge or a mop. Which do you prefer?"
When the floor was clean, she said, "What we have here is a failed experiment in how to carry a big bottle of milk with two tiny hands. Let's go to the backyard, fill the bottle with water, and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." And they did.
The scientist said that at that moment he understood that he did not have to be afraid of making mistakes. Mistakes are just opportunities to learn something new, which is what science is all about.
Three kinds of failure
In the chapter on failure in my book, I say that failures are of three kinds. Knowing which kind you have is half the cure.
- Failure from insufficient thinking or planning. It tells you how much more you could have done in advance.
- Failure from too much thinking. You weighed the pros and cons so long that you saw only problems. It tells you that testing an idea is as important as calculating it.
- Failure from events beyond your control. You cannot do anything about that one, but you must still deal with it.
The mustard seeds
A disciple came to the Buddha very upset. "I have failed in my venture," he said. "Please tell me how to overcome this misfortune." The Buddha said, "Get me a handful of mustard seeds. But get them from a household where no one has ever failed."
The disciple went from house to house all day. He could not find a single home where nobody had ever failed. At the end of the day he came back exhausted. "I hope you have now got the message," said the Buddha, "without my explaining it."
Failure is universal. When it happens to you, remind yourself that it is almost routine. You have many fellow travellers on what feels like your train to doom.
The steps I follow, and you can follow
From the chapter, here is a plan you can use the next time something goes wrong. Do it in this order.
- Do not panic. Panic only makes the problem worse. Put your energy into taking control and bringing in remedies. If possible, take guidance from someone who has been in a similar situation.
- Do not be embarrassed. More than the loss of time and money, it is loss of face that disturbs most people. But the book says you are not a failure unless you admit to being one. The world judges you by how you judge yourself.
- Find the real cause. The book quotes George Washington Carver, who said that ninety nine percent of failures come from people who make excuses. So write the cause on paper, without excuses.
- Go to the root. Do not just mow the grass. Pull the weed out with its roots.
- Ask what else it can be used for. Before you abandon an idea, check whether it can serve another market, another purpose or a later time.
The book has a line I want you to remember. A failure is what shows you what you need to learn. And Edison, when asked why so many of his experiments failed, said they were not failures. Every time, he was only discovering a method that did not work.
One small practice
Take out a notebook now. Write down three times in your life when you failed once or more, and then succeeded. Beside each, write the lesson you learned. This is an exercise given at the end of the chapter. When you see the three lessons together, you will notice that failure has been training you all along.
The next time you spill your milk, do not hide the mess. Pick up the towel and start the experiment.
This is one chapter from my book Simply the Best.
