My friend and fellow trainer Krishna once finished a memory programme in Chennai and was waiting for his train to Bangalore. On the platform, he saw a woman pass by and thought her face looked familiar. Being a memory expert, he walked up to her and asked politely, "Madam, did we meet in New Delhi near the Red Fort last August?" She said she had never been to Delhi. "Then at Tank Bund in Hyderabad last week?" No. "Then near Marina Beach yesterday?" By now she was furious.
Finally, he said, "Madam, I am sorry. Can you please tell me who you are?" She looked at him and said, "Mr Krishna, I am Renuka, your wife."
If this can happen to a memory trainer, it can happen to anybody. Everyone forgets names. So let us fix it.
Why we forget names
Imagine you are introduced to five people at a wedding reception. You know it is a casual meeting, and you will probably never meet them again. So your mind ignores the names. They are not recorded, and they vanish very soon.
Then there is the middle group, the people we know slightly. We meet them, we remember the occupation or something about their personality, but the name will not come, because we never made a firm link between the name and the face. We carry on the conversation and hope we do not embarrass ourselves.
It matters to fix this. A person's name is the sweetest sound in any language to that person, as Dale Carnegie said. Think how we talk in daily life. At a restaurant, we say, "Waiter, give me the menu." On the bus, "Conductor, one ticket." At the office gate, "Watchman, open the gate." What a difference it would make if we said their names.
Step one: Impression
When you meet someone and shake hands, most of the time you are not listening. You are busy thinking about how to introduce yourself. So the name goes in one ear and out the other.
Here is a trick. Imagine a traffic signal standing behind the person. Red light means stop. Stop what? Stop thinking about yourself. Yellow light means look. Scan the person. How tall, how thin, what complexion, hair, moustache, clothes, shoes. Your mind takes a photograph. Green light means go. Now listen to the name.
Step two: Repetition
Use the name in conversation, as often as you can without sounding odd. "So Ramesh, what do you do?" "What is your goal, Ramesh?" Each time you say it, the name gets fixed in your memory, and your tongue also gets used to saying it. Do it gently. If you overdo it, the person will get irritated.
Step three: Association
Memory is learning something new and tying it to something you already know. So when you hear a new name, tie it to a picture you already have.
- Ram: see him standing in a temple like Lord Rama.
- Suresh: see him without shoe laces.
- Nagraj: see him with a big snake around his neck.
- Kamat: see him sitting in a Kamat hotel, and not eating anything.
- Anil: break the name into A and Nil. He carries a big Nil, a zero, because he always gets zero in his exams.
You can also link names with friends, relatives, gods, kings and warriors you already know.
Names can be tied to the face as well. If you meet Tarun and he is over six feet tall, think of the two T man, Tarun and tall. If you meet Suchitra and she is an orthodontist, think of Suchitra with the straight teeth. The more creative you are, the better it works.
Practise this week
At the beginning you will feel awkward, because you will be conscious of the three steps. That is natural. With practice it becomes automatic. Choose just one place this week, such as a family function, a classroom, or your office. Meet each new person with the traffic signal, say the name three times in the conversation, and attach one picture. Before you sleep, say the names of everyone you met, and see how many came back.
Great leaders are known for this habit. It is said that Mahatma Gandhi remembered the names of his followers, and Napoleon knew his soldiers by name. When you call a person by their name, you are telling them that they matter. That is how leaders are made.
This is one chapter from my book Train Your Brain.
